I once read a short article about a man who was about to be married to the love of his life. As the day approached he was having a few anxious thoughts and on the eve of his wedding he came and shared his thoughts with his father. The young man was thinking that his father would give him some nice marriage counsel and encouragement; would tell him how happy he is that his son was getting married to a wonderful woman and hoped that their marital bliss will last for a very long time – until “death do us part.”

Instead the father began his talk by saying, “Son, I just want to tell you that marriage is not for you.”

He had hoped his father would give him some reassurance, however, he was mystified at these words because this was the eve of his wedding and now, just now, his father is telling him that marriage is not for him? How could this be? Why did he not have this conversation with him a half a year ago before all this money was spent for all the wedding preparations? Surely his father was making a mistake. He had known his fiancée since they were in high school 10 years earlier and they loved each other very much, surely this was the right woman for him, however, here was his father telling him that marriage was not for him. There must be some mistake.

But no, his father saw the surprised look on the face of his son and repeated, “Son Marriage is not for you.”

He then continued by saying, “You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

A year and a half later, the young man realized his father’s words were very true. Marriage was not for him,  the young woman had been the right person to marry. He still loved her so much that he enjoyed making her happy; seeing her smile every day, and making her laugh. He was happy to be a part of her family, and his family was happy to have her to be a part of theirs. And thinking back on all the times he had seen her play with his nieces, he knew that he had made the right decision and was married not for himself, but for others.

A true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

In the Bible the relationship between God and His church is compared to marriage. “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body.” Ephesians  5:23

Individually – we are married to Christ. “Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.  So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.  Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.” Romans 7:1–4

Being married to Christ, we can apply the same principles that the father shared with his son, to the church and to us each individually.

Religion is not for you 

What is religion? Defined it is: something one believes in and follows devotedly; a point or matter of ethics or conscience; a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects. We have different religions. We have the Christian religion, Buddhist religion, Muslim religion and so on.

And therefore Christianity is: conformity to the Christian religion; to its beliefs or practices.

So why do people conform to the Christian beliefs or practices? Comparing our story at the beginning to Christianity, we hear many people who are contemplating Christianity having selfish motives, asking, “What’s in it for me?” They do it for the blessings that they can receive. Others do so only to escape hell fire.  Some keep their religion to themselves and live quiet lives, looking forward to the time when they can be in heaven and enjoy the riches and glory in heaven; little caring for their fellow man.

The many who are looking for rewards—the ultimate reward being, salvation and eternal life— there are temporal rewards they are hoping for also on this earth such as miracles of healing, financial security, peace and safety. Even faith that God will carry us through in this life can be derived from selfish motives.  The religion of these people is for themselves. Also when doing missionary work – they do it for the purpose of merit; something that must be done for one to enter the pearly gates, or to receive praise and recognition on this earth.  People often choose a religion then that suits their lifestyle – that has the most benefits for themselves.

There are “Christian” preachers who make a lot of money from their followers and have a good living while on this earth and the sad truth is that “Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?  And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.” Matthew 7:22–23.  Imagine the sorrow of these people who seeming devoted their lives to the service of the Lord, but in the end found themselves outside the kingdom. Will they really honestly be deceived thinking they should be in the kingdom and not understanding why they are not? No, they have been given opportunity to give up their sins – perhaps secret sins – but they chose to hang on to them. Their religion had been from purely selfish motives – “What’s in it for me.” If they have to sacrifice all to enter heaven they will, not for the good of humanity, not because they love Jesus, but because they love themselves and this is one step they must do in order to enter in. So what if we lose all on this earth because we will have wealth in heaven.

However, if you consider the father’s advice to his son in your religious experience, remember, true religion and true Christianity is not about you at all.

Let’s take that quote above where the father gave his son advice about marriage and substitute the word Religion or Christianity in its place and then it will read like this.

“You don’t become a Christian to make yourself happy, you become a Christian to make someone else happy. More than that, your Christianity isn’t for yourself, you’re becoming a Christian for Jesus and for a family [the family of God]. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense [your own family and friends], but for your future children [new converts to the faith and interested souls]. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? [What influence are you on your associates?] Christianity isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Chrstiainity is about the people you are friends with and related to, and who you meet every day.”

The man had already won the love of the woman. He was already prepared to marry her. She was his. He promised on his wedding day to love and to cherish her until “death do us part.”

You have already been promised the gift of God” which, “is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 6:23. So now that you have been promised it, what will you do?  Hoard it? Then it will not be yours to have. On your baptism day did you promise to love and to cherish Jesus until “death do us part”?

How do we show our love to Jesus? For the great gift He gave to us of His sacrifice and His promise of eternal life? “For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:  Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.  Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?  When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?  Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?  And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” Matthew 25:35­–40

Is it possible to do humanitarian work from selfish motives? “And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:3. Yes, it is. As in marriage some do good expecting to reap rewards for themselves.

As with marriage vows, on our baptism day we make certain vows to the Lord. We vow to adhere to specific health laws, we vow to attend church services, we vow to give a certain portion of our money to the Lord; to keep His commandments; study His word and so on. Why do we do this? We vow to keep the health laws, not only so that we can live a healthier life for ourselves, but that we can be healthier and give better service to Jesus through our fellow man. We vow to give a portion of our money to the Lord because we delight to see the gospel being furthered and thus, because we love the Lord so much, we want to see the gospel reach as many people as possible. Therefore, we seek to give as much as we can spare, rather than as little as possible to retain our church membership. Their heart is in heaven. “If riches increase, set not your heart upon them.” Psalm 62:10. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:21

We read our Bibles not only to enlighten ourselves but so that we can share the light contained therein with others and so as we read and are excited about our discoveries, we seek to share them as soon as there is opportunity. And we will be looking for opportunities every day. We keep the commandments joyfully because in doing so, we build a better society for those around us and hope that they catch the vision also and desire to keep the commandments.

And then there is church attendance. Some go to see what they can receive.  I have heard it said by some that they got nothing out of the services that week. Do we attend church only to receive a blessing? That is very selfish – and then often we will not receive it. We go to church to be a blessing for others. To have something to say in the lessons, in the social meetings, in the afternoon meetings. We have something to share about our experiences with the Lord during the week, about what we learned from our private devotions during the week. As we seek to be a blessing for others, the blessing will return upon us.  We go to church, not for ourselves, but for others because we love Jesus. We go to meet the love of our life.

Love is what the Lord is looking for – service with love. “Pure love is simple in its operations, and separate from every other principle of action. When combined with earthly motives and selfish interests, it ceases to be pure. God considers more with how much love we work, than the amount we do. Love is a heavenly attribute. The natural heart cannot originate it. This heavenly plant only flourishes where Christ reigns supreme. Where love exists, there is power and truth in the life. Love does good, and nothing but good. Those who have love bear fruit unto holiness, and in the end everlasting life. ‘By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.’” –The Youth’s Instructor,  January 13, 1898

Ask yourself whether you enjoy working for the Lord. Is it your greatest joy to go out and share the truth with others?  What do you use your spare time for?  Just taking time out for yourself and relaxing? Or working for the Lord. What is the most common subject of your conversation? “The words and the character of Christ should be often the subject of our thoughts and of our conversation.” –The Review and Herald, November 15, 1887

How can we develop this loving work ethic for Jesus? True love is not natural in human nature. It is a plant of heavenly origin that will grow as it is watered. As we keep always in mind that our religion is not about us, it will grow.

“Many are longing to grow in grace; they pray over the matter, and are surprised that their prayers are not answered. The Master has given them a work to do whereby they shall grow. Of what value is it to pray when there is need of work? The question is, Are they seeking to save souls for whom Christ died? Spiritual growth depends upon giving to others the light that God has given to you. You are to put forth your best thoughts in active labor to do good, and only good, in your family, in your church, and in your neighborhood. In place of growing anxious with the thought that you are not growing in grace, just do every duty that presents itself, carry the burden of souls on your heart, and by every conceivable means seek to save the lost. Be kind, be courteous, be pitiful; speak in humility of the blessed hope; talk of the love of Jesus; tell of his goodness, his mercy, and his righteousness; and cease to worry as to whether or not you are growing. Plants do not grow through any conscious effort. Jesus said, ‘Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.’ The plant is not in continual worriment about its growth; it just grows under the supervision of God. The children of God are to cease worrying, cease looking at themselves; they are to take an earnest interest in others, and seek to lead the feet of the straying in the narrow path cast up for the ransomed of the Lord to walk in. In this kind of work they will gain breadth of thought, tact, and skill. They will realize that they are to become agencies through which God will convey the truth to other minds, and that they are never to be left alone in their efforts; for heavenly angels will work with them, and impress the hearts of those who hear.” –The Youth’s Instructor, February 3, 1898

“Go to work, whether you feel like it or not. Engage in personal effort to bring souls to Jesus and the knowledge of the truth. In such labor you will find both a stimulus and a tonic; it will both arouse and strengthen. By exercise your spiritual powers will become more vigorous, so that you can with better success work out your own salvation. The stupor of death is upon many who profess Christ. Make every effort to arouse them. Warn, entreat, expostulate. Pray that the melting love of God may warm and soften their icebound natures. Though they may refuse to hear, your labor will not be lost. In the effort to bless others your own souls will be blessed.

“We have the theory of the truth, and now we need to seek most earnestly for its sanctifying power. I dare not hold my peace in this time of peril. It is a time of temptation, of despondency. Everyone is beset by the wiles of Satan, and we should press together to resist his power. We should be of one mind, speaking the same things, and with one mouth glorifying God. Then may we successfully enlarge our plans and by vigilant missionary effort take advantage of every talent we can use in the various departments of the work.” – Testimonies for the Church, vol. 5, p. 387–388

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians. 15:58

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9

“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;  Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.” Colossians 3:23–24

Unfortunately there are many divorces in the world. This is mainly because people entered marriage with the attitude of “What’s in it for me?” and then they find out that their spouse did not live up to their expectations. They were not getting out of the marriage what they expected. So they divorce and try to find someone else who will fulfill their needs. It is the same with religion. Many go to church with certain expectations and when their expectations are not fulfilled, they leave and go find some other church where they feel their needs will be met. All this is selfishness. These people will never be happy. They are seeking to “get” not to “give”.

Our prayer should always be, “But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and Thou our potter; and we all are the work of Thy hand.” Isaiah 64:8. And “not my will, but thine, be done.” Luke 22:42

Jesus has promised, “And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 11:19.  Do you believe this promise? If so, then Jesus will give you a new heart of flesh and you will go to work for Him with true love – not from selfish motives (expecting the rewards in the end), but loving Jesus so much that you want to give, and give and give some more to Him; give of your time, your means, all your talents. You can never give enough. Your whole life will be filled with His spirit and whatever you say, think or do, it will be “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Colossians 1:26. With Christ in us, we will not be seeking to do “as little as possible” to gain entrance to the eternal kingdom, but the gift has been given and we will be seeking to do “as much as possible” in appreciation for all that the Lord has done for us. Selfishness will die, It’s not about us – it’s about Jesus and others. AMEN.

Wendy Eaton